In two weeks, I turn 30 years old. If you couldn’t tell already from how I over-reacted to turning 25, I’m an overthinker who overthinks overthinking. At that time, I was “ hoping the 20-somethings wouldn’t end….. praying the 20-somethings wouldn’t kill me….” already feeling pressed for time. But I’m far passed a quarter-life-crisis because I have been preparing to turn 30 for the past two years.
It’s been well documented that just before turning 28, my heart yearned for change romantically, geographically, physically ….financially ….mentally ….all the “-lly’s!” The first step was to declutter my mind and my surroundings of all negativity. I decided immediately that I could not be in the same position at 29 and certainly not at 30. Next, I picked ONE goal to focus my energy and, within six months, all other areas began to follow in pursuit of a new future. Once I reached 29, I was moving in a positive direction, my mental and physical health at the focal point.
Now that the big 3-0 is almost here, Im waiting to exhale from mostly escaping the frustrating agist stereotypes of our society. I look in the mirror, still seeing my 18 year old appearance, but knowing there’s so much more underneath. I see a living testament to the mind being your most powerful God-given asset. You will become what you believe.
In a nutshell, these are some of the other important things my 20s have taught me:
- The struggle is real! Everyone said enjoy your 20s, but no one said they would be a decade of trial and error. Hey, that could be a show! Coming this fall, Issa Rae’s new show about black youth, Trial & Error. Hmmm… maybe not, sounds kinda dark. The point is, you will win sometimes, but you will fail A LOT. Learn the lesson and keep it moving.
- If I could talk to my 19 year old self, I’d remind her of the importance of self-love and self-respect. Set goals for your advancement, but don’t forget to set hard uncompromising boundaries too.
- You’re insecure in your 20s because you’re new to “adulting.” Women are not wired to be insecure, we are conditioned to be so. Especially in our twenties when we don’t know any better than what was fed to us. Somewhere before 25, you’ll realize you’d rather starve than consume toxicity. As you become more comfortable in your skin, in the lanes you carve out for yourself and in trusting your intuition, being an adult won’t feel so scary. It takes time and practice.
- Forgive yourself and others that have hurt you. Emotional baggage motivates in both negative and positive directions. Expecting perfection from anyone, including yourself, does a disservice to the lessons life is trying to teach. Forgive, learn and let go.
- Talk to your parents often…. especially your grandparents if you’re still blessed to have them. Ask questions about your family history! Any older person that has watched you grow up can offer a lot of insight as to who you are at your core.
- An individual CAN and WILL change the course of your life. The only thing that can temporarily override the power of your mind is the passion of your heart. Be very cautious with who you give your heart. Red flags are everywhere and should never be ignored especially when it comes to your inner circle. Be weary about loaning large sums of money to friends. Be diligent about taking your birth control and practicing safe sex. Avoid unnecessarily taking on other people’s problems. No, I am not down with OPP.
- There is no normal. Normalcy is relative. There is no one-size-fits-all. Don’t expect to own anything substancial, be debt-free, happily married or even established in your career. It’s ok, your 20s isn’t really the time for that.
- You always, always, ALWAYS have options. Feeling “stuck” is your emotions clouding your ability to problem-solve. Inhale and realize nothing is that serious that cant be fixed with either time, therapy or brainstorming.
- TRAVEL! …especially when it’s discounted or free! Be bold and open-minded in your approach to exploring new cultures. Expansion happens via exposure.
- Create memories. You will never be this young or free of responsibilities ever again. And no, student loans don’t actually count as responsibilities when you compare them to having a full blown human being shooting out of your pelvic area. So yea, enjoy the little things and be safe.
Going forward, I’m practicing taking pride in growing older in body and mind, yet remaining young in spirit. I’m finally discovering what it means to be a woman in our current society and the power within femininity. Forever grateful that I am here.
“Good luck on them 20-somethings …God bless ‘em, God bless ‘em, God bless ‘em!”
Thanks for joining me 😘